


No Love Like Our Love

by TrickrTreason



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gregg is bad at being human, Howard is bad at dealing with feelings, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Vince is a sunshine child, but it all works out, mentions of interspecies sexy times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23773012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickrTreason/pseuds/TrickrTreason
Summary: Howard Moon does not love Old Gregg, he couldn't, he can't. He's annoying and weird and clingy and obsessive. He's too sensitive, he cares too much and loves too freely. He has soft lips and a soft voice and the biggest blue doe eyes.But no, Howard definitely does not have a crush.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Old Gregg
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	No Love Like Our Love

Howard wasn’t sure how Old Gregg got into his house, and he didn’t particularly want to know. Whether it was tracking him down at parties or delivering himself in a large package on stage during his and Vince’s performance, Gregg somehow managed to follow with sweet declarations of love and decidedly less sweet declarations of murder and dismemberment.

But honestly, out of all places, Howard really never expected to see Old Gregg on his couch, nor getting his (nails? claws?) painted a rather bright red by Vince. In the early hours of the morning no less.

Vince was blathering on about something inane, skin moisturizers maybe, but Gregg, as if smelling Howard from across the room turned his head towards Howard, casting him a coy look. He fluttered his eyelashes coquettishly and smiled softly, uncharacteristically quiet. Howard felt his cheeks flush hotly, thinking about those red painted lips, what he knew they were capable of.

That was the thing though- what _he_ knew those lips were capable of. Not Vince. Not Naboo and not even Bollo. They already knew that he couldn’t even get a girl to give him the time of day, much less kiss him, but he couldn’t bear the humiliation of his (friends? roommates?) knowing he slept with the obsessive fishman. 

He must have made a noise, because Vince finally seemed to notice him standing there. 

“Oh, hey Howard, I was just chatting with Old Gregg- remember him? We were having a right laugh,” Vince said looking up from his handiwork and capping the nail polish bottle. 

“Yeah, yeah, I remember him,” he replied, voice slightly defensive and refusing to make any attempt of eye contact towards either of them. “Quick question though- _what_ is he doing here?”

“Oh just having a cuppa,” Vince said, gesturing towards the tea tray resting on the coffee table. After an imploring look from Howard, Vince’s mouth opened in a small ‘O’ in realization. “I get you. Yeah he came over looking for a bit of a makeover, and being the best in the business I couldn’t let him go to some amature.” 

Old Gregg nodded rapidly, seaweed curls slapping the shoulders of his jacket wetly. 

“Old Gregg’s gonna get his funk back in his own special way,” he said in his soft lilting voice. 

“Good for you,” Howard said stiffly. 

“I’m Old Gregg.”

“I know.” Howard turned towards Vince. “So, what uh- what were you two chatting about?” he asked, trying to maintain the nervous twitch of his lip. The two of them are terribly chatting and it could seriously come back to hurt him if they started chatting about… certain… subjects. 

“Oh we were just trading stories, y’see he’s a half man half fish and I’m a gifted child raised in the forests among animals so we’ve got loads in common, it’s genius.” Vince’s voice didn’t display that he knew anything that he shouldn’t, which was a good sign because Vince could barely keep a secret for longer than a minute without spoiling it. Howard nodded once before heading over to the kitchenette. Vince looked over at him. 

“You making breakfast then, yeah?” he asked. 

“Why? Haven’t you eaten yet?” 

“No, we’ve been up all night, I’m starving,” Vince whined dramatically, splaying his limbs all over the sofa for emphasis. Howard sighed and rolled his eyes at the display. 

“Alright then, what do you want?”

“Wicked.” Vince grinned victoriously. “Whadd’you eat Gregg?” he asked, genuinely interested in the answer. Howard huffed and expected some of his usual nonsense like “Bailey’s from a shoe”. Ridiculous. 

“Fish, human- if it's available,” he replied, voice perfectly even as if he were just reporting the weather. Vince’s smile dropped slightly. 

“But you wouldn’t eat me, right?” he asked carefully.

“Oh no,” Gregg said, smoothing out his skirt. “Not someone as pretty as you, making Old Gregg pretty too.” Vince smiled and cocked his head, ego inflating. 

“I try my best, yeah. You’ve got real nice cheekbones so it won’t be too hard,” he said, turning Gregg’s face gently with his finger tips. Howard felt a disgusting feeling of jealousy wriggling up from his stomach at Vince touching Gregg so tenderly. Vince could have anyone he wanted, leave the freaks for folk like Howard, thank you.

“Thank y’sir,” Old Gregg said, cheeks flushing, bright smile painting his features. “Howard! Old Gregg’s gonna be so pretty!” 

“I heard,” said the monotone voice from the kitchen. 

“I’m Old Gregg!”

After very little debate (Howard was the one cooking, the chef is always right) they eventually settled on bagel and lox, the three of them eating around the coffee table. Gregg held the bagel so gingerly, careful to not get his painted claws anywhere near the treat but desperate to savor every bite of the breakfast his sweet Howard prepared for him. 

Howard looked over at Gregg from the corners of his eyes, at him happily munching away at the bagel like he’s never had anything so good. Then again, there can’t be many toasters in underwater lake caves. Howard would have chuckled inwardly at his little joke if he weren’t trying to piece through half drafted sentences in his head, none of them good enough to say out loud. 

And it shouldn’t be so hard!

He thinks of his and Gregg’s backstage kiss, how plush and pliable the fishman’s lips were, how soft and gentle his flitting touches were. Out of some unrestrained primal instincts he wasn’t even sure he had, he had grabbed Gregg’s ass hard and pulled him closer, groping the fishman through pink tulle and drawing out light gasping moans. If the curtains hadn’t been opened then and there, Howard wasn’t sure where the heat of that moment would have led him. Except...he did. 

He did because he can remember so clearly taking Gregg into his bedroom, housemates out for the night. The rush of ecstasy and the feeling of a firm willing body underneath him, participating in a little la petite mort, ruby kiss marks adorning his mouth, neck, collar bones, cock, Gregg truly knew how to leave his mark. But no. The worst of it was the morning after, waking up to Gregg snuggled up against his chest, to see him so peaceful and sated, the morning light playing against his green complexion making him look all the more inhuman and enchanted. The feeling of tenderness swelling in his heart at the sight.

Vince really was right, he did fall in love with anyone who showed him the slightest amount of affection. But since that night, Howard did all he could to squash that feeling of affection he held, going even harder after girls and staying as far away from Gregg as he could manage, keeping the fishman at arms length despite Gregg’s now half hearted violent threats and ruby red pouty lips. There was no way Howard Moon would fall victim to his baser instincts again, no sir. That is, until he saw Gregg this morning, his face painted with a beautiful smile, not at Howard, but at Vince. At Vince who gave away affection so easily while Howard used it sparingly.

It was a shitty feeling, not wanting to love Gregg but not wanting him to love anyone else but him. Silence held over his head like a chandelier on a thinning rope. He watched Gregg finish the last of his breakfast, running his hands along his skirt before tugging on it slightly. 

“That was a wonderful bagel, I’d- I’d give you top grade iffin- if this were a class,” Gregg said brightly, leaning a bit closer to Howard as if he couldn’t hear him over the deafening silence. 

“Oh, well, that's very kind of you to say Greggory,” Howard replied. Gregg’s face suddenly turned serious as he leaned in even closer, hands nearly supporting himself on Howard’s thighs.

“I don’t say things to be kind, I say them because they’re true,” he said, making piercing eye contact, as if looking into Howard’s cowardly soul. Vince piped up, not noticing anything strange at all. 

“If you like that you should try Howard’s baking, he makes wicked cakes and pies. It's genius.”

“Crumble?” Gregg asked directly to Howard. 

“Oh like an apple crumble? Yeah I think Howard’s made that before,” Vince answered, fiddling with a nail file like it was a rubber pencil. 

“Like Old Gregg’s crumble?” Gregg continued forcefully. Howard blanched slightly and Gregg broke out into a grin, like that was the exact facial expression he was looking for. Gregg tilted his head slightly. 

“You’ve been missing Old Gregg hmm? Haven't ya Howard?” he said coyly and Howard could feel a hot rush of shame rise from his chest, up his neck and all the way to his cheeks. He cleared his voice awkwardly before speaking. 

“Vince, would you mind giving us a moment of privacy,” he asked, voice clearly strained and pleading. Vince nodded, suddenly feeling the mood shift in the room. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve actually got to get on anyway. There’s a show happening and I’ve promised some of my mates I’d be there,” he said, setting the file down and heading towards the stairs. 

Then it was just him and Gregg. 

Gregg leaned in, lips pursed for a kiss but was stopped by Howard’s hands firmly against his shoulders. He made a soft disappointed sound of confusion and cocked his head to the side. 

“Why not?” he asked. Howard sighed. 

“We need to talk Gregg, about us. About our relationship and where we stand,” Howard said, not getting to the point. Gregg’s eyes opened wider, almost frantic. 

“But’cha know me. I love you! I’m Old Gregg,” he said, setting himself down on Howard’s lap, legs on either side of Howard’s thighs. Howard tried to not blush at the contact of Gregg’s warm sex against his own very ignored body. 

“Yes, well, that’s all well and good for you but what about me, what about my thoughts on the matter sir?” Howard responded, trying to regain composure of his voice. 

“You’ve seen my downstairs mix up. You’ve liked it, come back for more, ain’t that enough?” Gregg urged. Howard scoffed. 

“That’s just sex, Just pure primal urge. I’m talking about tenderness, attraction.” Now it was Gregg’s turn to scoff. 

“Attraction hmm? Like one of ya girls? Pretty faces, clear smooth skin, looking even prettier adorning the ruffles of Old Gregg’s skirt.”

“Sir, threats will get you nowhere fast with me these days!” but Gregg wasn’t listening, he was fuming. 

“Ya friend thinks Old Gregg is pretty! Treats me kindly too!” he bites out, not even knowing how much of a nerve he hit with Howard. 

“Why don’t you go after him then, eh? Finally give me a bit of peace!” 

“I don’t want him!” Gregg shouted, throat raw with emotion. Howard could see tears peek out of his ocean blue eyes. “I don’t want him, I don’t want anyone but you,” he gasped. Desperate for air, his gills started twitching uncontrollably. 

“Shit,” Howard cursed, sliding Gregg off his lap and onto the couch. He quickly went over to the sink and wetted a rag and grabbed a glass of tap water. He wrapped the rag around Gregg’s gills, gently pushing away stray seaweed curls. 

“You’ve got to take better care of yourself Gregg,” Howard said, and he would have sounded exasperated if there wasn’t so much fondness in his tone. He handed Gregg the glass of water and watched him down it in two quick gulps. 

“But you do it so well,” Gregg said softly, wiping the tears that slipped from his eyes away with a delicately manicured nail. Howard sighed and sat next to Gregg, letting the fishman rest his head on his shoulder. 

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry for shouting at you, Greggory,” he said softly. Gregg mumbled something in return that sounded like “ ‘m sorry as well”. They sat in the silence of their argument for Howard let out a quiet, shaky little chuckle. 

“What would people even say?” he said, as if thinking out loud, twiddling his thumbs in his lap. 

“Does it matter?” Gregg replied, voice quiet, almost tired. Howard huffed. 

“Of course it matters, to be respected, to be a well liked member of society. To make a name for yourself. You know a man has the right to live on after he’s passed in the fond memories of his fellows,” Howard said, his usual robust monologue falling short under the careful scrutiny of Gregg’s far too large, far too shiny eyes. He looked away, he had to. “I’m better off alone anyway,” he muttered.

“But will that make ya happy?” Gregg asked, a melancholy inquisitiveness entering his voice, coming from somewhere deep in his bones, the same melancholy taking residence in Howard. 

“At least when I’m alone I know where I stand,” he said, the gravel in his words not hiding the pain embedded in his voice, the type you only know by spending years preparing yourself to die alone. Gregg shrugged, webbed hand reaching down to touch Howard’s. 

“You know where you stand with me.” 

Howard pondered his turn of phrase. He supposed that he did know where he stood with Gregg, through all his obsessive displays of affection and his threats that he never fell through with, as if saying he’d rather Howard be alive and with someone else than be dead, rotting away in Gregg’s cave. Howard ‘Don’t Touch Me’ Moon didn’t even flinch away from Gregg’s touch. Touch was different with Gregg, maybe it didn't register so much in his mind because Gregg wasn’t all human, like he was an exception. Howard returned the touch, lacing his fingers with Gregg. Gregg made a soft pleased humming noise in the back of his throat at the touch.

“I, uh, I kept the ring you gave me,” Howard said after a moment of silence. He didn’t know why, but maybe he just needed Gregg to know that even after how bad the boat times were, he still kept a memory from it. Gregg smiled a soft, sweet smile and squeezed Howard’s hand. 

“That’s very sweet of you, sir,” he said softly. He looked out in thought and whatever it was, his smile melted off. “I still love ya, you know?” The way he said it was different, it was sad. It was more of a reminder than a declaration, and the way he said it was like he was expecting to be rejected. Howard sighed. 

“I know, Gregg,” he said. Gregg shifted and squirmed, his hand never leaving Howard’s. 

“Was you just using me for Old Gregg’s mangina? I don’t mind if ya did but, I’d like to know,” his voice was a pathetic wisp of a thing, so sad it made Howard feel nearly sick to his stomach hearing it. He could handle fighting off a creepy obsessive monster, but he couldn’t bear that same monster having feelings, having a heart for him to break.

“Maybe I was, at the start,” Howard said, opting to tell the truth upfront for once. “But it didn’t end like that, I started to develop feelings that I didn’t know how to deal with, so I did what I’ve always done, Greggory. I ran” Gregg looked up at him, honey brown eyes meeting Gregg’s impossibly blue ones, his ruby painted mouth arched into a small ‘o’ of introspection. Gregg nosed Howard’s shoulder, nuzzling into him and Howard could feel the slime of Gregg’s hair sleeping through the layers of his shirts and somehow didn’t mind. 

“Do ya know how to deal with them now?” he asked, and it would almost be a cheeky question if there wasn’t so much hesitation in his voice. 

“Not yet, but I was hoping you’d help me figure them out,” he said, and Howard watched as that big, sweet smile crept across Gregg’s face. He touched his fingers under Gregg’s chin and drew him forward.

“Oh Howard,” he murmured in reverence as he was drawn in for a kiss. It was soft and sweet, the taste of his Howard, sweet and so so human, it was overly strong tea and cigarettes. It was like the milk of The Funk, it made his poor heart race and his skin feel electrified and insides melt like a puddle of slime and goo. Life had never been easy for Old Gregg, ostracized by both man and fish, doomed from birth to live completely alone. He hid behind all his things that were good, his clung to his watercolors, his baking and his singing as surrogate friends. He clung to those that foolishly entered his lake under the full moon, and clung so hard and loved so hard that his poor humans couldn’t take it. He clung and he loved and he cried until Howard entered his life. Howard with his beady eyes and brave heart, he was the only one to join Gregg in his song, and the only one to come back for more. He never knew how much he needed Howard until he left, and not even the soft creamy beige of Bailey’s could soothe his aching heart. Gregg would never break away from Howard’s kiss if it weren’t for his kissing partner needing oxygen, which just gave him the chance to paint red kisses from the corner of Howard’s mouth down his sweet stubbly jawline. He stopped and sighed in bliss, nuzzling his face into Howard’s chest. His whole body screamed in joy when he felt Howard’s strong arms engulf him in a hug. 

Howard chuckled, lifting one of his hands to comb through Gregg’s long, seaweed locks that were softer than they looked but just as damp and slimey, but Gregg nearly purred into his chest at the touch, so it was worth it. 

“Does this mean you’ll help me,” Howard asked, smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. Gregg lifts his face just so he could speak clearly, unmuffled. 

“Of course I will, I’ll always help you. I’m Old Gregg,” he replied with a proud grin. Howard looks at him, unbearably fond and kisses Gregg’s forehead, tasting his salt and brine. 

Howard thought back at his words, all that time ago: “maybe I could love you”. He didn’t mean it then, and he knew he didn’t when he said it, he was just trying to stay alive. But now, today, with a legendary monster cuddled up next to him he thought “maybe I could fall in love Gregg”, and he knew it was true, and he knew it would sneak up on him when he least expected it. He’d be getting Gregg a cup of water and he’d take it and give Howard that look where it’s like Howard was the one who put all the stars in the sky just for Gregg and he’d feel it. Love. The same love that Gregg felt for him, and they’d know it would be forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Ha! I'm such a sucker for rare pairs. Thank you so much for reading, please leave a comment if you liked it or even if there's something else you'd like to see with these characters.


End file.
